As you know most of my BLOG Posts combine a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Some silly, some serious and usually a blend of both. Mostly I want to raise your awareness and have you think about my BLOG Posts and maybe have a chuckle or two as well. If nothing else I can be your supply of idle chit-chat, better yet, useless information you can use to fill time, break the ice and talk with your family, friends, co-workers, colleagues, acquaintances, neighbors and anyone else in your world. Even better you can give them my BLOG address so they, too, can have topics about which to talk with those in their worlds. And so and so on and so on. Just like a commercial many years ago. Best of all it’s FREE.
After reading and listening to yet another example of mistreatment of people against people I must indulge in the most serious of human behaviors or is it misbehaving, to be kind but I don’t want to kind so here goes.
What happens to people when they get a little bit of power, authority. leverage, dominance and control?
Example: Take a regular person who gets up, goes to work, cares for their family, participates in community activities and is considered by most to be a nice guy. One day the nice guy gets a promotion at work to supervisor, manager, administrator or coordinator and morphs into a creature heretofore unbeknownst to everyone. The nice guy becomes a tyrant, watching performances, overseeing everyone’s day to day movement, criticizing workers for the most minute of infractions, constantly checking the time clock looking for an excuse to dock someones pay, publicly in front of co-workers insulting, berating, harassing and embarrassing not only the workers but the nice guy himself. Where did this person come from and how did they evolve. Perhaps, the new position is too much to manage, control and handle so they take it out on former work “friends”. Perhaps they get a perverse pleasure from abusing their underlings. Perhaps they are afraid of looking bad in front of their boss so they instill a culture of fear, intimidation and ridicule chasing morale and staff out the door. Look at the turnover rate of any organization and you soon discover why it is or is not happening. People stay in a job for many reasons but those with energy, drive, passion and ambition will soon find a place where they are appreciated and rewarded for their performances while the work bully maintains their lonely existence perpetuating the cycle and destroying the image and reputation of the organization which one day will discover their staffing mistake but at what price. It takes a lifetime to build a solid, trustworthy and reliable reputation and about ten minutes to lose that hard earned reputation. One person can do all the damage. Most of the staff want to complain but are afraid of retaliation by “it”, the source, and management of course. It is only when the “it” does something against management that management takes corrective action. Lots of stuff is written about Leadership but few are actual genuine leaders. It’s not their fault or is it?
Example: During military service there was a nice guy who played cards with us, played some ball, had a beer, talked trash and did his job as well as most of us. He was well spoken with a bit of a twang and drawl in his voice, tall, athletic and convincing in manner. One day he is chosen as a squad leader and is given the symbolic rope which he attached to his uniform as a sign of leadership, not necessarily respect. Ooh!! ooh!!! look at me or rather look at my rope. I am somebody and you’re not. We respected the rope and all that it represented but we did not respect the former nice guy who turned into a tyrannical bully constantly from wake-ups to lights out yelling, screaming, hollering, cursing, badgering, harassing (just like sideline parents at their kids youth sports games embarrassing their kids) and in general abusing his power. Nobody went to him, nobody talked to him. He lived in the barracks with us but isolated from engaging in what formerly were time passing wind down rituals of social interactions. The responsibility that came with the rope was new to him and he resorted to tactics that were his demise at least with us. His supervisor marveled at his performance but was concerned about the morale of the rest of us. Gone was the joking, kidding, fooling around, laughter, fun, play and all the things we did to get through the day. Work was completed but with little energy, spirit and pride.The symbolic rope destroyed our former nice guy, us and the entire squadron of young men who were calling out for leadership. It was given to the wrong guy for all the wrong reasons which turned out to be excuses. It was not his fault or was it?
Example: Not it really gets ugly.
The bully comes in many forms but with similar characteristics. One thing to remember is that the bully was bullied way back when though the will rarely, if ever, admit to it. Rather they use an explanation not a reason or even an excuse.
The bully feels like he is on the lowest step of a ladder always looking up to nowhere. The bully feels lower than whale dung in the ocean. To elevate their position and status the bully resorts to tactics always verbally, emotionally and physically attacking the smaller and weaker as their target and victim.
Concern is given to the bully but what is there for the victims of the bulling who are scarred and scared for life while the bully continues to go through the motions of their miserable existence. The bully extracts the soul, spirit, energy and dynamics of life of their victims for the rest of the victims lives. The bully is shown and given sympathy. Oh you didn’t have friends, never got invited to a party, weren’t called on by the teacher (I’ll bet you were but chose not to participate out of fear and embarrassment of being wrong) always isolating, hiding in fear of the thought of rotting in their dismal life position in which they placed themselves with the help of the ones who bullied the bully. By the way, you can find sympathy in the dictionary somewhere between shift and symphony two words I choose to use as examples rather than the two words which may be offensive since I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s never the bully’s fault or is it?
Example: This example is most difficult.
What happens to people (I’m being kind here with the word people), when they get a little power and leverage especially when it comes to personal and social relationships? Do they think they are actually as good as they have been told. Do they think this “relationship”position opens up opportunities not possible before providing opportunities to over step social and intimate boundaries especially by force. Some guys who couldn’t “score” in a bordello get a little power, they are now in control and you will do as I say, ask, command and demand or else_________________. We know what the “or else” is. And the cycle continues. Everything is good until it is not. Everyone is great until they are not. It’s everyone else’s fault or is it?
I understand there are those who are driven and attracted to those who have power, money, control and influence. I can live with that. But what about integrity. You know what integrity is? It is having the opportunity to take advantage and choosing not to. It is picking up trash or dog waste when there is nobody there to see you do it. You do it because that is who you are. Do you want to be around people with integrity or the shameless people who constantly blame the world for their condition and who take, take and take the heart, soul and spirit of their targets. It’s never their fault or is it?
The bully is everywhere. Slowly they are being exposed. They walk the streets. They are predators. There is no profile. It has no borders. It can be anyone based on the power of definition. When is beard a beard? After two days of stubble growth or does the beard have to be down below your multiple chins to be a beard? I don’t know and probably neither do you since there is no clear definitive definition (how’s that for redundancies?) upon which to rely. It’s an opinion and like a belly button we all have one. We are shocked when we hear the latest story of bullying, abuse, dominance, power and control. However, like most of the breaking news exclusive headlines, the more we here the same type of shocking stories thrust in our faces and brains the more desensitized we become. Like cursing, the more you hear so called profane language the softer it becomes. Hell and damn were used on television in the 60’s and panic ensued. Sponsors were boycotted. Censors went wild banning language. Words are just words and no meaning until they are given definition. Lenny Bruce, don’t take my words. Power lies in definition. You create something, you name it just like you named your kids which is where you had the power of definition. It’s never the bully’s fault or is it?
I may have previously written this. I can tell much about a guy by the way he handles himself on the field of play. It becomes apparent early in the game and as much as they attempt to alter their game their habits dominate. They make themselves known from their game which cannot hide the truth about character, dignity and integrity.. They play their game and show their temperament, sacrifice, teamwork, isolation, attitude, confidence and many more signals about their character or lack thereof. Just like when you are interviewing for a new job. All the experts say you and the interviewer know within a few minutes whether or not you will get the job. That’s why there is an incestuous fraternity of people who “gotch” your back, no not your back but theirs. Nobody has your back but you.
Especially in the national spotlight. They hide and protect each other and fill positions for their brethren qualified or not. Perhaps it is to return a favor or to keep sensitive and damaging information (leverage) away from the spotlight How else can a person who gets removed from a high level position surface in a similar level position or even higher in a different organization. Check their pedigrees and find the truth.
I apologize for using “he” to represent all.
I apologize for rambling which is sometimes my style or lack thereof showing its ugliness.
I apologize to all those suffering and struggling with bullying, the recipients not the bully. For the bully please stop and get help. You’ll grow to like, love, trust, be honest and respect yourself which is when you can do the same with and for others instead of doing your bullying TO others. You may even be forgiven, hopefully not forgotten, though you may take forgiveness as permission to continue to bully more and more. It’s up to you. On an episode of MASH pilots who dropped munitions on villages destroying lives, communities and and property were taken to those former vibrant and functioning villages and shown the damage, destruction and chaos caused by the munitions droppings. If the bully knew the life long damage they caused perhaps they will find their heart and soul allowing them to return to a human and humane life, living instead of existing.
Lastly for this Post.
I apologize for having the need to write it.
Keep It Simple – Keep It Real
POWER UP YOUR POWER ‘CAUSE THE POWER IS IN YOU!!!
PS: I need to do this: Gotta get some silliness in this post.
If a writer writes, a singer sings, a cook cooks, a teacher teaches and a driver drives does a plumber plumb, a doctor doc and a mason mase.